Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff: Radical Parenting

Vanessa Van Petten has been such an inspiration to so many people and many parents! As a young adult she has given us the inside scoop on our teens and the way they are wired today! Her first fantastic book, You’re Grounded, How to Stop Fighting and Make the Teenage Years Easier, was written when she was 17 years old - helping parents see life through a teens eyes. Vanessa Van Petten is one of the nation’s youngest experts on parenting and youth. Her new website - Radical Parenting is becoming very busy!

Here is one of her most recent articles and I am confident many parents will enjoy reading it.

By Vanessa Van Petten

WHAT DO KIDS DO WHEN PARENTS ARE OUT

Last week I went over to a client’s house and was working with her on the time management lesson of my program. We were looking at her school planner and slotting in her homework and project schedule. I noticed that for Tuesday night she had highlighted, added stickers and highlighter smiley faces.

“Is it your birthday?” I asked.“No, it’s the night of the 8th grade parent meeting at school!” She replied.“Um, you get that excited for a parent meeting?” I questioned.“Silly, we love parents night because the entire 8th grade can get online and watch videos and hang-out together, we have to make sure I get my homework done on Monday night!”

I am sure, that High School’s parents have no idea that the whole grade not only looks forward to parent meetings like birthday celebrations, but also that they class is bonding and throwing an online party in their respective homes across the city. (She let me blog about this, as long as I keep my promise not to share the school’s name.)

I think, this is a good thing actually:

-It makes them get homework done early
-It helps them bond with each other

-They are all at home, their really rebellious move is to video chat with, gasp, more than two people at once while mom and dad are out.

-The online environment has allowed for an outside of school recess. (I have many posts about how technology has blurred the lines between home, school and social life and this can be a very negative thing, so I want to have at least one article where it is good!)

-They encourage their parents to be involved. Because everyone wants to be able to go to the online party, kids are now encouraging their parents more than ever to join those committees, and attend meetings to stay informed…hey the schools need all of the help they can get!
I asked my teen advisory council and interns what they do when their parents are out, here are some of the answers, listed in order of popularity (there was a very long tail on this one of some very random activities–some of which I chose to include, some of which I left out).

1) YouTube Videos
2) Talk on the phone
3) Text
4) Raid the kitchen
5) Go on AIM/Skype/iChat
6) iTunes and/or listen to music
7) Watch TV/Movies
Invite friends/boyfriend/girlfriend over
9) Play video games
10) Masturbate
11) Prank phone calls
12) Go out
13) Look through parents room/desk/siblings room
14) The same thing I do when they are home
15) Homework

As you can see, it varies. A lot of the time, you can just ask them and they will tell you. Or show them this post and see if they find any of the answers surprising.

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Touching Teens: Hugs, Hand Holding and Non-Sexual Cuddling

Parents Universal Resource Experts: Parent and Teen Book now Available!

THE SECRETS TO SURVIVING AND THRIVING IN YOUR TEENS, by Lori Hanson

Award-Winning Author of “It Started with Pop-Tarts (R)”, Lori Hanson, wrote an amazing very quick and easy read parent and teen book. What I loved about this book is it was written in a fashion that addresses some serious issues that teens face today, however in a condensed and easy to understand format.

I literally finished it in less than 2 hours (with many interruptions) and was very impressed how Lori both talked to teens and parents - almost at the same time - and you could feel that Lori is connecting.

I recommend any parents of teens today purchase this book and share it with their teen. What a great way to start communications - since today many parents have lost that connection with many teens.

Oh, did I mention Lori incorporates her dogs (Sasha and Yagger) as analogies - absolutely fantastic - we all love dogs and to see them and their actions helping us as parents to understand human behavior was brilliant and again, something we can all relate to.

You can purchase this book here. Don’ miss it! Get it before it hits the book stores!

Summer Activities and Teens

Education.com always has great ideas for kids of all ages. I was just forwarded this idea for teens for the summer - creating a Teen Time Capsule!

Check this out - and encourage your teens to gather some friends and have some fun with a blast into the past. This is a fantastic, creative and constructive way to keep your kids busy and having fun!

Make a Teen Years Time Capsule

by Rose Garrett

As a parent looking back on your own high school years, it’s hard to imagine the intellectual development and emotional ups and downs you went through all those years ago. And even for a teen who is still in the throes of high school, or preparing for college, these tumultuous and formative years may quickly become a distant memory.
But remembering the details of what went on, in the world and in your teen’s head, during the high school years can be an important marker in your child’s passage into adulthood. For a fun activity that will have lasting effects, make this time capsule with your high school child, to be opened after college graduation. After a few years, your child won’t believe how far she’s come and how much she’s grown!

What You Need:

Plastic storage bin with lid
Items from your teen’s life as a high schooler (see below)
Duct tape

What You Do:

Time capsules are meant to capture a particular moment in time or moment in history. In this case, you want to help your teen capture what exactly high school was like, and that means academically, socially, and emotionally.

Academics

Your teen may have moaned and groaned over that major research paper, but now that it’s finished, it stands as an important testament to the effort he put into his work, and will make an interesting counterpoint to the college work he’ll have completed when he looks at it again. Ideas for academic items to include in your teen’s time capsule include:

Research papers and other long essays
Your teen’s personal statement for college applications, if completed
Art projects and multimedia (that band demo tape, those photo negatives, etc)
A copy of a teacher-written college recommendation (sealed)
Social Life

This one is a biggie, as anyone who’s been a teenager knows. Friendships, crushes and feuds are all part of the process, and once your teen goes through college, she’ll have new insight into the person she’s become since high school (and it will probably be a change for the better). Here are some ideas for items to include in your teen’s time capsule:

Letters and postcards sent between friends, and notes passed during class (you know it’s happened)
Favorite photos of friends and more-than-friends (if digital, you will want to have them printed to include them)
Souvenirs from trips and fun events, such as ticket stubs.
A favorite shirt or piece of jewelry
Emotions

In high school, teens experience an onslaught of new emotions, and it’s a major part of the path to adulthood. From intense feelings of attraction, competition, jealousy and camaraderie to fears and dreams for the future, emotions rule the day in high school. Here are some suggested additions to your teen’s time capsule, which will help her to remember the emotional roller coaster:

Her journal, if she is prepared to part with it
Best book
Most meaningful movie
Favorite music
Favorite item for her bedroom, such as a poster
Your teen’s favorite picture of herself

Next, brainstorm with your teen about other items she may want to include, such as a newspaper or a photo of Mom and Dad. When your teen has gatherered these items together, fill the plastic storage bin and use duct tape to seal it tightly. If your teen wants, he can decorate the bin or write a message to his future self in permanent marker. Date the bin. Now, you can either bury the bin in the back yard, or hide it away in the garage. Just don’t forget to dig it up when the time is right!

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Difficult Teens

It stems back to "children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions." Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today's world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.

Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today's life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can't understand it; be there for them.
This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment.

We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it. Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be.

However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; PURE is here for you, as we have been where you are today. Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end? Visit www.helpyourteens.com.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Kidfluence

Check out this fantastic and informational website offering webcasts, TV Show, articles and more about today’s teens and all kids. Up to date content on what your kids are doing online and how to understand it all! Yes - all confusing and all ever changing.

Source: Kidfluence

Kidfluence is a brand created to strengthen youth development and education. Through its many programs such as Kidfluence TV, Teen Talk and Teen Screen, Kidfluence aims to be a leading advocate on teen issues.

http://www.kidfluence.tv/

The heart of the brand is an exciting new television show, Kidfluence TV, that discusses issues, events, and conflicts that affect our youth today.

A diverse group of opinionated personalities ranging from parents, coaches, teachers, professionals, advocates, and of course, tweens and teenagers will contribute to very candid discussions. With so many issues affecting our youth today, everyone has a point of view on what should be done, how matters should be handled.

Kidfluence is a television program that allows everyone to be an influential and a loyal supporter of tackling youth issues head on.

Sue Scheff Parenting Troubled Teens

It stems back to “children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions.” Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today’s world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, peer pressure, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today’s life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can’t understand it; be there for them.This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment. We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it.

Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; Parents’ Universal Resource Experts is here for you, as we have been where you are today.

Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end?

Visit www.helpyourteens.com.

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teens Stealing

Holiday’s are officially here - malls are crowded - stores are busy with the holiday rush especially today on Black Friday.

It doesn’t matter your economic status, it seems some teens from all financial backgrounds will try their “hand” at shoplifting. Why? Peer pressure? Is it cool? Part of the crowd?

What constitutes shoplifting? It doesn’t have to be only stealing, shoplifting can include changing price tags (which is harder to do now with the bar scans in some stores), consuming food or drink without paying for it, leaving a restaurant without paying, wearing items out of a store (again, hoping there isn’t an alarm tag on them) - this and more will land you in legal trouble if you are caught.

Teens seem to believe it could never happen to them - however more and more I am hearing from parents that have had to deal with this.

To learn more, visit www.stopyourkidsfromshoplifting.com and get some great parenting tips such as:

Why Children Steal and Your Role in Preventing Retail Theft

Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding why it’s wrong. Elementary school-aged children know better, but may lack enough self-control to stop themselves. Most preteens and teens shoplift as a result of social and personal pressure in their lives. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

• Feel peer pressure to shoplift
• Low self-esteem
• A cry for help or attention
• The naïve assumption they won’t get caught
• The belief that teen stealing is “not a big deal”
• Inability to handle temptation when faced with things they want
• The thrill involved
• Defiance or rebelliousness
• Not knowing how to work through feelings of anger, frustration, etc.
• Misconception that stores can afford the losses
• The desire to have the things that will get them “in” with a certain group of kids.
• To support a drug habit.
• To prove themselves to members of a gang.